The gray and knotted statue
stood worn down by the wind
once painted jeweled colors
on crumbled features, thinned


we've forgotten now, the stories
the stories once we lived
but that was a long, long time ago,
wasn't it, Napoleon?


now flowers bloom around the feet
that conquered, once, the world
and epitaphed in fields of wheat
memories, hibernated curled


we'll not recall you as an angel
we'll not forget you as a fool
through ages past your footfalls
didn't they, Napoleon?

silence.

Some things can't be captured with words. As if in confining them within bounds of definition they are in turn robbed of their essence.

The poets all try, and sometimes some of the really great ones come close. 

But there are always more words to be said. In different ways. In a million changing, varied attempts that at best just brush the tip of an indefinable mystery.

Some things are best captured in silence. 

Bucket list. Hoorah.

So I was bored the other day at work. 

Annnnd boredom = compiling bucket lists in my head.

Ergo:

1. Hitchhike/Train-hop/Hobo-ize across the States and maybe Canada.  
2. Go back to Honduras for a while
3. Become fluent in Spanish; learn some other languages. 
4. Tae kwon do. To the max. 
5. Take voice lessons. 
6. Learn to breakdance.
7. Parkour it up. 
8. Learn how to play piano. And then guitar. 
9. Become proficient in sewing skills. 
10. Become self-employed. By making jewelry and stuff. 
11. Develop a daily exercise routine.
12. Develop healthy eating habits. 
13. Homeless ministry. 
14. Become a master of disguise. 
15. Hone communication skillz along side of observational, memory, and body language skills. 
16. Have a mohawk which is blue. 
17. Get in a bar fight. 
18. Become adept at both pickpocketing and reverse pickpocketing. 
19. Get a date with a flamethrower. 
20. Write a book. 
21. Learn to hang-glide
22. Judo! to the max!
23. Lick (with my tongue) Bill Gates. 
24. Learn to love ruthlessly. 
25. Own a restaurante. 
26. Start a blog. 
27. Find someone I love. Get married. Have 12 kids. 
28. Have a cow. And goats. and cats.
29. Swim with dolphins. 
30. Learn to fire-dance.
31. Join the circus. 
32. Get over past hurts.
33. Know Jesus, love Jesus, see Jesus. 


That's it so far. It might get longer. When I get bored again.

On healthy eating habits

Of late I have been inspired to live with self control and healthy eating habits. Some people make that look so easy! But me? naaaah. I'll have a few good days filled with eating fruits and vegetables and healthy portion sizes, but then something like this will happen. To set the stage I must start at the beginning: and what good story doesn't start with work? So:

*ahem*


Donut shift: refers to working the hours of 12 am - 9 am at making (you'll never guess) donuts! 

and that is what I did last night, finally reaching home at a quarter past 9, a little bit bug eyed, and a lot bit dazed and confused due to lack of caffeinated beverages.  
I fell into bed and slept the sleep of a dead woman until 1:30, when I suddenly woke up with one thing on my mind: pop tarts. 

First I resisted the temptation. I ate a banana. 

But the dogged mantra that kept resounding through my head wouldn't stop: 

pop tarts, pop tarts, pop tarts. 
POP TARTS.
 
Staggering into the kitchen, I rummaged through the cupboards until I found that which I desired. Pop tarts.

Pop tarts: normally found in our house only after three rare occurrences in nature: a. the apocalypse. b. winning the lottery, and c. pop tart/movie parties.

Since number c. had just occurred a few days earlier, the fields were ripe for the picking, with pop tart options spanning from strawberry frosted to blueberry muffin to cookies and cream. Grabbing a packet of each, I headed back to my room to do that which is only heard of in dreams: watching old x-men cartoons and eating pop tarts. On a few hours of sleep. Good idea, Feesh. Good time to make decisions.

About a box of pop tarts (and leftover halloween candy to boot) and a few episodes of x-men later I had finally had enough. To quote Rico from Hot Rod: "It started out super positive, then it just got crazy."

and it did. If you take 5 measures of sugar high and mix them with about 2 cups of self disgust, and 1/2 a cup of nasty feeling, and you'll get about what I felt in those hours after the pop tart binge. or, to put it into word format: errrrgggbluuuuugiiiiickkkaaaaaackkkkuggggblehblehblehheeeuuugaaahhhmmfffff.

So that's what happened. I was sad for a while, and wallowed in self disgust for a little bit. Seriously, sometimes I hate my lack of self control. it makes me feel like a crappy person. I wish I had everything together, and something like eating an entire box of pop tarts can pop my shallow illusion that I am getting better at things. I mean a WHOLE box of pop tarts?! Agh!

Anyways, rant over, tomorrow is a new day, and I am determined to have healthy eating habits once again. 

And we don't have any more pop tarts in the house, so yay. 

<3 Feesh